Tuesday, July 27, 2010

You never know what will move you


You never know what is going to move you and when. What do I mean? You never know when you are going to need something for support, guidance, inspiration, or comfort.

Before I came to Morocco I hated Lady Gaga. I thought her song “Just Dance” was the perfect representation of a woman who had gotten too drunk to see straight but thinks dancing is the best idea at the time. Every time I would hear that song I would say to myself “no, no you really need to get home now.”
Months later in Morocco you could find me jamming to Lady Gaga every chance I got. In Morocco I feel striped of my glamour and sexiness and Lady Gaga brings that back to me. Her music makes me feel those things again even if I just feel them alone in my room.

When almost every situation I get myself into feels so confusing and complex I yearn for simplicity where ever I can find it. Music helps me to find that too. I had heard of the musician known as Owl City before coming to Morocco but the height of my obsession hit several months ago. When raving about him to a friend he described the lyrics that of which a five-year-old could have written. In my mind I though “exactly”. There is something so calm and soothing in the simplicity of the words. When I struggle to communicate even my most simple of feelings to the people around me it gives me joy to hear similar feelings so easily understood.

Like Lady Gaga, Bob Dylan was another musician I never cared to listen to. Of course my dad always made attempts to change my mind. But once hearing one song of this that I actually liked I was hooked. It was “Don’t Think Twice, It’s Alright” and it was what I needed at the time. Now I frequently listen to the Essential Bob Dylan with pleasure.

My last plug is for the Weepies. My most recent obsession. My dad introduced them to me after being introduced to them by his cousin. Going with my theme of simplicity the Weepies fit right in. In so many of these songs by these amazing artists I can put myself in the songs and understand myself thought them.

Another thing that has moved me in an era. A dichotomy of an era known at the Sixties. A friend of mine once called me a hippie. I was offended. I saw hippies as people who didn’t shave their armpits and did drugs way too much. We all know those things are true but what I was refusing to see was the positive attributes I have in common with this group.

From Mad Men’s representation of the early Sixties to films like Taking Woodstock representing the later Sixties I can’t get enough of the culture of this decade. Because I know it was a time when so much change happened to give me the freedoms I enjoy today.

Something that all these things have in common is that they are peppered with American culture. I can understand every word and I get every reference. In my own little corner of Morocco I like to create a little slice of the U.S.A. and all these things help me do that.

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

A vacation home



I just finished a fantastic vacation to the USA. It’s strange calling a trip to your hometown a vacation but that’s truly was it was. A vacation from the many things that get me going on a daily basis here in Morocco. Most of you were there so I will spare you all the details. But everything about it was great and busy and full of love. I had the time of my life at Kahley’s wedding where I could be glamorous, proper, and honored. Even though I was busy everyday it was the easiest 17 days I have had in a long time. Easy because I was doing everything that was making me happy, in the places that I feel my best.

We all knew the worst part about this was when it would come time for me to leave again. Near the end of my vacation I just wanted to get the actual travel over with and just wanted to get back to Morocco so I could work on getting back to the USA for good.

I didn’t realize what difficulties were awaiting me. I thought things would be easier since I knew what I was coming back to. But in a short 17 days it’s like I almost forgot what life in Morocco was like. I started to go though culture shock all over again. And it had felt like I was never here. Only this time instead of shock I was quite annoyed. Annoyed by the fact that I couldn’t wear a seatbelt in a car quickly weaving though traffic. The fact that I couldn’t walk the street for more than one minute without hearing “bonjour Madame.”

The best part of coming back now is that I have my own private apartment to come home to. Which is all I needed at this point. A place to feel safe, alone, and free to be what I am. But the past couple days in this apartment have been strange and tough. I’m trying to see if I can watch enough t.v. and movies on my computer to feel ok again. Meanwhile listening to the endless live soap opera put on by my neighbors amplified in the hallway.

I never realized how hard an easy lifestyle can be. By easy I mean that I set my own work schedule, which is not very much, and I am able to do what I want mostly all the time. And by hard I mean struggling to communicate the most basic things, losing much of my liberation as a woman, and being confined to an apartment when there is just no place else to go.

I know that with time this readjustment process will be over and maybe I can regain some normalcy in my life again. Through all this my new motto is that this is all temporary. Both in the since to remind me that this discomfort won’t last forever and to remind me to live in the moments that will be gone before I know it.